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“How to be a Grand Fan for Dummies”

Make Your Reservation`
Go ahead, book your trip to Torino, Italy for the Winter Olympics.

What? Too cold for you? Well then, book a trip to the Virgin Islands.

Too hot for you? Ok, then at least make a reservation for the sofa or lounge chair for Opening Ceremonies on February 10th, Ladies Luge on February 13th and 14th, and Closing Ceremonies. I mean after all, somebody around must be having a "Red Hatters Grand Fan" party, you need to make sure you have the best seat to watch.

TV Coverage
Ok, you need to know right now that I have absolutely nothing to do with the amount of TV coverage of luge, Opening Ceremonies or for that matter any of the Olympic broadcasts.

That being said, don't blame me if I don't show up on the TV during your Red Hat Grand Fan festivities.

You can however put in your two cent's worth – or maybe it's 39 cents now.

  • Just grab a post card and address it as follows:
    NBC
    NY, NY
  • Then write:
    Show Luge!

(NOTE: I mentioned this at the RHS Queen Mother's Birthday Bash in New York in 2004 while holding up a sample poster of a post card. One of the Red Hatters in the audience asked if she could have the mock-up. She then had everyone sign it. Turns out her daughter works for NBC Sports in New York! I believe that postcard is taped to an office door at NBC.)

(Extra NOTE: NBC has taken notice of Grandma Luge and Kerry Sanders will be doing an in depth story on me for NBC. We will be taping the segment in Torino the last week of January. I have absolutely no idea when they will air it, but it will probably be sometime between February 10th -day of Opening Ceremonies- and February 13th - my first day of competition. Keep your VCRs and TiVOs recording! I have no way of getting copies of any of this. So help me out.)

Grandma Luge March
Learn the Grand Fan Theme song. It goes to the melody of “She’ll be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes”.

The first couple of verses…

  • She'll be wearing a Red Helmet when she comes.
  • She'll be sliding down a luge track when she comes.

OK, those are the first two, now why not get together and make up another 50 verses to match the age of Grandma Luge when she makes Olympic history at the young age of 52 years and 10 months. So pull out your kazoos and go for it!


“How to be a Grand Fan for Dummies”

Grand Fan Party Preparations

What to Drink?
There are some specific rules one needs to follow when deciding upon what to drink while watching Grandma Luge in Opening Ceremonies and during competition.

  1. Frozen drinks are preferred – nothing on the rocks.
  2. The frozen drink should be drunk fast so that you can experience 'brain freeze' and pretend you are sliding down the luge track with Grandma Luge.
  3. No Harvey Wallbangers are permitted and absolutely nothing made with Sloe Gin!

What to Eat?
Remember to enjoy any extra calories consumed while watching the Olympics on TV, remembering that in luge, the more you weigh the faster you go.

Also, serve only foods baked with Gold Medal flour ….and absolutely No turnovers and especially No pineapple upsidedown cake.

Want to have a barbeque? Go for it. However, for the proper ambiance make sure to light a candle, pass it around relay fashion from guest to guest as they run around the entire house, then use it to light the BBQ.

Just in case you are wondering. I will be drinking a chocolate protein drink mixed with an orange carb drink during the Olympic luge training runs and competition. Trust me, it's an acquired taste.

However when the competition is all over – I'm heading to my favorite café in downtown Cesana (venue town for the Olympic luge track). The Cafè Ibarus serves the absolute best hot chocolate in the world. It's like drinking a chocolate bar and your spoon almost stands upright in the cup. Ibarus is the local colloquialism for "sled" and they also have my picture up on the wall, next to Armin Zoeggler who won the Olympic luge gold medal in 2002.

Final Thoughts
Remember

  • To reserve Valentines Day 2006 to celebrate Grandma Luge's final record breaking Olympic luge run.
  • To help put the Fun back into the Olympic Games by participating in a Grand Fan party of one, two or two hundred to watch Grandma Luge in the Opening & Closing Ceremonies as well as the Olympic Luge competitions on February 13th and 14th.
  • To Never let age be a barrier to anything.
  • And last but not least remember that Grandma Luge is going down hill fast so you don't have to…